As you may well know, I have started my studies of an MBA this November. For somebody who is used to comment and judge others it is quite a thing to get used to being commented and judged. But it is the main purpose of a study: you have to learn, move forward and simply advance with your knowledge and get used to be criticised. You are going for a study because you don’t know things yet but want them to know.

The entry semester is split in 3 modules and some other bits’n bops, which you have to work off in a predefined order. Each module is composed of a handful of working booklets. At the end of each booklet is a kind of exam to be done and sent in for correction.

Imagine, you as a former boss and people following you and clinging to your lips, YOU are the one being judged. What an emotional change!

Anyhow, I have been working through a handful of booklets and have sent in the 2 test-exams. They have no relevance to passing or failing, but nevertheless, the „race is on and competition kicks in“.

My first result was quite promising.:70/100, a 2.5, somewhere between ‚good and satisfying‘. Whatever, my intention is not to be a high-flyer. I want to decently pass the exams. That’s all.

But yesterday I received my second test result back. 25/100, unsatisfying, NOT passed. Ooops!

Can you imagine my emotional state I went through?! I found it quite crazy, anything between „own fault“ to „what the heck, I am their customer!“ went through me. I was in rage, but not knowing against whom. Myself or the system?!

So I went out for a jog and calmed down. Of course, thoughts about not being apt to study, self-blaming of being too stupid, up to „but now let’s really go!“ went through my brain but in the end you can turn it as you want: ’not passed‘, full stop.

But I found my initial reaction very interesting. An emotional upheaval. Have not had this type of emotions for years. And pedagogically quite nice for my kids to see, their dad is doing bad, too, wondering how he will sort.

After the emotional waves calmed I got confirmed information the result has no relevance. At least now I know what is right and what is wrong. Doing mistakes and passing failures play also part in your development and movement forwards.

And so I understood and accepted I am no superman just having to sit and wait for final results. As if I had done before, but with this past you could somehow.

The moment of failure right in the beginning is good. And so I am more than motivated to continue. I am having fun.

I know what I have done wrong, though I could potentially raise some questions as to the quality of the teacher’s correction. But as it has no relevance I skip it.

I filed for being sent the official partial exam of this module and am really looking forward doing the work. You can learn of a failure, which I certainly do, and cannot wait to throw myself into the working of the exam and passing it.